Positive parenting Part 2

This book has been good but challenging for me.  I  have a lot of work to do.  I know that these are good things to implement into my parenting but its hard to change. Here are some more things I have learned from this book recently.

The closer the parents are to their children the greater the influence they can have on them.  I have thought about this a lot.  I think of now when they are little they always want to be with me.  I look for time to be without them (in a good way) because they love being by me.  I know this will change the older they get and they won't want to hang out with mom anymore.  But the closer I can keep them to me the better.  They will feel comfortable to talk to me about anything.  That is the biggest thing I want when they get older that they will feel comfortable to come to me with anything.  This starts now.  Get them to stay close.  I have to show love and kindness even when they are driving me nuts.  They need to know that I love them no matter what.

He gives a lot of example of talking to our kids.  Just in the tone we talk in we can turn them away.  We have to remain calm and not so preachy.  Don't judge, teach, sermonize, solve their problems just TALK.  I have really tried to just let the kids talk to me, they are still little and talk about silly things.  I love to hear them talk and think things through.     I know this one will be hard for me when they get older because this is just my personality is to fix the problems or advise what to do.  I do it to my husband all the time.  So I need to start practicing so when the kids get older I will be ready.   There will be times when the parent will need to instruct but this is when the spirit will work with us.  We need to be close to the spirit to know when we can instruct and not push them away so they won't want to talk.  They can feel the love we have for them if we are able to do this wisely.

He also talks about the importance of positive physical interaction.  We need to hug and kiss our kids. When they want to come cuddle with us, let them.  This will build that relationship and they will like being close to you.  I'm sure this gets harder the older they get.  It seems my kids are still in the I want to smother you mom stage.  I have tried to be a little better with my boys because they don't seem to want to cuddle as much as my daughter.

If I lose my cool quick its no wonder that my kids do. They see and they follow.  They are following example.  I need to really work on not letting things get to me or not showing that it does.  Just keep quiet about it.  This is where self control really comes into play.

He talks a lot about role playing the right situations and how to react to what happens.  This helps me to see how I can apply it to my kids and their specific situation.  This can help them know what is expected.  Make sure to have them say what is expected so they really know.  Agreeing wont always happen and that is not important.  Them understanding your expectations is what is important.
I think this also helps with them behaving better because they remember exactly what will happen if they misbehave because they repeated what was expected and what would happen after.  I have really liked this part.

When you are talking with your kids if they say something like this is stupid or anything like that.  You just ignore it and only attend to the behaviors you want strengthened.  We can show empathy and understanding but don't talk about the negative things.

It isn't the amount of time the parents talk to the child that produces the results its the amount of time and number of opportunities that child has to respond and to be actively engaged in conversation trying to solve the problem.  They need to be involved and that is how they learn.

Don't ask a child to explain their inappropriate behavior but have them explain why that isn't appropriate, this invites them to be a part of the problem solving process.
This has been a big change for me.  Its so natural to say why did you do this or that.  I have to stop myself and think about what question I need to ask.  This is probably the hardest part because I want to know what made them mad and want to hit or react that way.  So I need to really work on stopping and asking Why that isn't appropriate.  Its slowly getting better.

I really love making sure I point out the positive things they do and they build their self confidence that way too.  They know how many great things they can and are able to do. These are all really great ideas and ways to help me become a better parent.