I miss my Grandma!!!

My grandma Beck passed away this last August and I have been missing her even more than I thought I would.  It was her birthday a few days ago so I thought I would post this to celebrate her birthday.  She would have been 94 years old.
I remember as a kid she was always crocheting, knitting or tatting something for us.  She made us some crochet dolls that were awesome.  She also made us all our own afghans.  She taught me how to crochet and I am glad that she did. I have made a few things and I always think of her when I do.

The kids remember her as the grandma that has the doll toys, or the grandma with white hair.  They didn't get the idea of great grandma  Aren't all Grandmas great?  The kids loved going to see her because she had fun toys that were probably 50-60 years old.  Max loved to go see her because he knew she had some gummy candies in a temple tin.   Even when she moved to an assisted living he found that tin in her room and made sure to get some candy.

I really got to know my grandma better once I had kids and we started to go and visit her every few months.  We live about an hour away so I would try to plan a day that me and some of my sisters could go with me and see her.  The visits usually weren't too long but we got to know her a little bit more every time.  She loved seeing the kids and she had the perfect lap for babies.  The had long legs and the babies fit perfect on her lap.  She would usually tell us about her latest family history find.  She loved family history and did so much work for all of us.  She has given us books with all of the names she has found and worked on.  She knew so much about her family and ancestors.  I admire her for that.

There have been so many times that I have thought of her since she has passed on.  I think oh we could go see her we will be down there anyways then I remember that she isn't there anymore.   My husband has to go down near her old house for some work and I thought oh that would be a good time to spend a few hours with Grandma.  It made me really sad to realize that first time that she wasn't there to talk to anymore.  Not that I would call her or visit her and talk to her about deep life changing things but just to see her and talk to her about the kids and life.  

I am happy that she is with Grandpa now.  She lived 8 years after Grandpa died. I can't imagine how hard that must have been but she was always happy and smiling when we visited her.  When she first started to really not do so well I think I went down two times in the week right before she died and saw  her.  I wanted to make sure we said goodbye and the kids could see her one last time.  She wasn't doing well both times.  It broke my heart to see her like that.  I just wanted her to go and be with Grandpa and for her to be out of pain and suffering.   When I heard that she had passed I had a feeling of relief pass over me because I knew that was what she wanted was to be with Grandpa again and not have to be in and out of consciousness.  I love her so much and am so grateful for everything she has taught me through out my life.  I am grateful for the plan of salvation and to know that families are forever and I will see her again. I am grateful that I know where she is and that she is continuing to work on family history just in a different way.  I know that when I see her again I will be giving her a great big hug and tell her just how much I love her.

After my own study.....BEST SIPPY CUP!!!!

If you remember I did a post about all of the different sippy cups we had used trying to get the right one for us.  Sippy reviews  Well I found it.  Its this the Nalgene one.  I got our first one 4 years ago and I didn't even  mean to get it my daughter was playing with it at the store and she sucked on it and I thought well we better get it now and it was cute.  I already knew Nalgene was a good brand because I use their large water bottles all the time.

I like this one because it holds a lot of liquid and my older kids drink a lot so I don't have to constantly fill it up.   At the same time its not too big to be manageable for my my baby.  Its a good size all around.   They come in a few different designs, not too many but enough.  I like that its a hard bottle like all of the Nalgene bottles are.  They are a lot more durable that way.  I can't tell you how many times my daughter has dropped that first one.  It has some scuffs on it but it still looks pretty darn good.  

They just screw on easy and they have a wide mouth so you can fit ice in if you want.  I like the hard sippy part.  Like most kids, my kids chew on things and these can take some chewing and still work fine.  They are a little tricky to clean down in the tip but I just use my bottle brush and it works great. 

This plastic part that is the suction is so easy to take out and clean.  I feel like it the best one I have used because its large and there aren't little tiny places or crevices to grow mold.  

They are so easy to clean and that is a top priority to me after the dropping and spilling part.  The piece is large enough it doesn't get lost in the sink.  I have had some other brands make it down the garbage disposal, because they were too small to see.

This is the spout but like I said i just use my bottle brush, the tiny one and it gets it clean. 

So Yes I found it!!!  This one doesn't ever spill or splash out when my baby throws/ drops it.  All of the others did.  This one can take a beating, which my kids and I'm sure many kids just do.  I have officially gotten rid of all of my other sippy cups and replaced them with these.  I have a lot more space in my cup cupboard now, and I love all of my sippy cups now!

My self weaning baby

I have nursed all three of my babies for different amounts of time all for different reasons.  I have loved each experience differently.  Here is my full history of  nursing my babies if you want the whole story on each one.

My baby  just turned one a few months ago and he has pretty much self weaned sadly.   A few weeks before he turned 1 he was still nursing 4-5 times a day so I thought he would continue to nurse for a while but suddenly he started wanting less and less to do with nursing.  I wasn't trying to get him to stop I was actually doing the opposite. haha.  I like nursing him and like the consequences of that (my cycle still hasn't started)   So I was sad when he suddenly changed, I don't think I was quite ready for that.  

I am quite sad about this whole situation and I don't feel like I am ready for him to be done. Obviously he thinks differently.  Although the one nice thing about this is that Daddy can put him to bed now if I need him to.   I love having time to just sit down and relax with him.  Taking time with just me and baby.  Its hard to get time like that with 3 kids.  

It also means he needs to be eating better solid food.  He is an ok eater but not that great.  So we will have to work on this part for him.  He is a pretty slender little guy so we need to feed him lots of avacados.

I think the worst part about him being done is that he is growing up faster than I would like.  I don't have a baby anymore.  With my other two kids I was ready to have another baby at this point but I don't think for my sanity and my husbands sanity we should add another bundle of joy quite yet. Having three pretty close together has taken us for a spin.  Its crazy how fast they grow up, and with each baby it goes faster and faster.  I guess I can enjoy the new stages he will go through and look forward to nursing my next baby and maybe I"ll enjoy it even more.

The good, the bad and the ugly about working from home....

When you hear work from home what do you think?   

Be honest.......

When I tell people I have the best of both worlds of being a stay at home mom and I work from home,  I feel like people think oh that must be so easy, she gets paid to do nothing or thats easy money?   

Yes, No and No......................

 Let me explain the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY about working from home.   

We'll start with the good

 I have worked at home for about 3 years now.  I work for a local hospital doing medical coding.  I love it and I love that I can do it from home.  I worked at this hospital for 4 years before I was allowed to work from home.  After I had my daughter I started just working PRN 1 day a week.  Then 6 weeks after I had my son they said they were ready to start the remote program.  It was perfect timing, because I didn't want to leave two kids and pay for babysitting for both.  

I love that I can wear my pjs to "work"  and I don't have to commute.... unless you consider hurtling all the toys from my bed room to the front room where my computer is commuting.  I love that I don't have to leave my kids at a day care, although some days that sounds nice.

I love that the hospital I work for is so flexible with me.  It might be because I have worked there for 8 years and they know how I work.  They did ask me to have a set time that I work everyday because I think they know that if you have it set out then you are more likely to do it regularly.  I set my time to 5-7 am so I can get it done before the kids get up for the day.  I am generally a morning person so It hasn't been too terrible.  

 I love reading and learning new things about the human body as well.  As a medical coder I read the hospital charts and I learn so many new things.  We have seen everything, somethings make us cry and some we just have to laugh about.  

  

The Bad

 The 5 am also has a bad side to it.  I wake up at 5 am Monday-Friday.  That task alone is not easy, especially when you have little kids still waking up at night.   Then I work until the kids wake up which is usually 7.  So I get 2 hours of work in.   Then if the stars align and the two younger kids take naps at the same time I can get a few more hours in.  Otherwise its just the two hours in the wee early hours.

Its hard to keep up on a job when you are only working 2 hours a day.  Its like putting your toes in the water just a little bit.  Things are getting more complicated the older my kids get and the more kids we have.   We have staff meeting Tuesday mornings and then an educational meeting Wednesday mornings.  It gets hard to be able to make sure I make it to those meetings even though I can listen at home I have to have it quiet so I can listen.  Sometimes I can't find a babysitter and the kids play fine.  Then there are the days that all the kids want to do is to have me hold them so they can push the keyboard buttons. 

 Its been hard lately because last October we started a whole new coding program. We had been prepping for it for years and we finally made the switch.  It was hard but not quite as terrible as we thought.  We were well prepared but it has been hard to learn all of the new stuff and keep up with my productivity on top of it all.  

The Ugly

Don't get me wrong I love my job and that I am blessed to be able to do it.   My struggle lately is trying to draw a line between working and being a mom.   When nap time comes around some days I really don't want to get back on and work because I would rather be taking a nap myself to be honest, cleaning up the house,  or working on that mile long project list.  Most days getting back on and working wins that battle because I like seeing my hours add up on my time card.  I also need to finish the work I didn't get done in the morning.  

Some days I just have to take a step back and look at the big picture.  What is most important to me?  Being a Mom is my #1 priority.  So if it really comes down to it my choice is to clock out and be a Mom.  My ultimate goal is to have a happy family and some days that means mom gets a nap as well.  

Ever had a Pintrest FAIL?!?!

We recently moved right?  So I am adding decorations to this new house. I tried to use my old decorations I had up at our old house just in new places or rearrange the set up.  In our kitchen I had seen this idea on pintrest.

 Yup my best crafty buddy.

  I went to find the pin later and couldn't find it so I just made it how I remembered.  I ordered these hoops off ebay.  I tried to find some at the DI but it ended up being cheaper to get them in a group online.  Then I went to my favorite fabric store Joanns and picked out the colors and fabric I wanted.
I stained the hoops and then hung them up.  They turned out cool I thought.  A little old fashioned but cute.  My husband says they look like grandmas house.  Oh well.

Then I got these letters at Joanns as well and stained them the same color as the hoops.  I had these three picture frames in my kitchen in my old house and I wanted to use them again so I just bought some navy spray paint and painted them.  Now they match and are still great quality, they all match pattern wise and it only cost me a can of spray paint.

I finally got my picture frames painted and bought the shelves for the letters to go on. Yay I have a few glass jars I am going to put on top that will have the yellow, navy and clear/white beads in them.  

I got some flour sack towels that I had originally bought to use as cloth diapers but they don't absorb enough for my guy.  So I decided to use them in my kitchen since they do absorb a lot.  I bought some dye to dye them navy, yellow and gray to match the colors.   I dyed them all and they looked good I washed them all seperate 2 times to make sure to get all the dye out but apparently that wasn't enough.  I give a more detailed account in this post  my kitchen towel disaster.  It totally ruined my day.  So now everytime when I look at those towels or my sons "white"  now tinged yellow onsies.  I am reminded of how much I don't like how that part turned out.  You can say pintrest FAIL!!!

  So I have a new plan.  I am going to go get colored towels, navy, yellow and gray.  I want to sew the left over fabric from the grandma circles on them so they are cuter than just normal kitchen towels.    Well see how I can fail that one huh?  haha

Why I wanted a Doula

With my baby just turning one a few months ago I look back and think why did I want a doula?

Doula?!?  What is a Doula?  They are trained and experienced professionals who provide physical, emotional support to a mother before, during and after birth.  The is the dictionary definition of a Doula.
  When I decided that I was really going to have my 3rd baby natural- drug free and I really began to think and plan it out.  I am a big planner and I like to have everything all worked out.  I realized that I wanted a Doula to be there to help me.   Yes, I have my husband to help me but sometimes he can be a tease ok, a lot of the times he is a tease and loves to be funny.  He had been great for the previous two births but this one was going to be different.  I just felt like I needed that Doula there to help as well.  I felt like having another women there that had done this before would really help me and encourage me to be able to believe in myself and make it a better experience all around.

This is a picture of my awesome doulas, not the best picture of me but I couldn't have done it without these amazing ladies. 

A Doula doesn't take the spot of the husband they are there to help him as well.  That is a big part of what my husband was worried about is that they would take his "spot"  My doula was very good to explain to him that that was not what she wanted to do.  A birth of a child is a sacred experience and it is special for a husband and a wife to experience that together.  She was just there to help with that.  I was lucky to be able to have two doulas help and attend this birth.  My husbands cousin was doing an intership kind of thing and so I paid for my doula and then his cousin who was pretty much a doula as well came along and helped out.   It was awesome.

Here is the whole birth story  if you want to read it more in detail.  It was hard, and beautiful at the same time, and I still cry every time I read it.

Things that my doula(s) helped me with

• She helped me with my hypnobabies course.  I was too far along and wasn't able to take a class for the hypbobabies but I ordered the online do it at home kit.  My doula was an instructor so she helped me out understanding or trying some of the methods.  It really helped me.  She and Shannon my husbands cousin had both birthed their babies using the hypnobabies method so that helped a ton to hear their experiences. 
• They were there when I was worried about what my midwife was telling me about big babies.  She kept my head calm and reminded me of what I wanted.  I had written up my birth plan and given it to both of the doulas
• They were there to encourage me when I was going past my "due date"  They said take a day off and go do something for yourself.   Relax, it will be ok...They were women they totally understood all of the emotions I was having being this close to having a baby.
• She had so much experience and different things to try.  Like the lift and tuck where they hold your belly up and it releases the pressure during a pressure wave.  Different ways to labor, in the heat of the moment they remind  you of what you wanted before hand.  
• Shannon had known me for 7 years and so she knew a little bit more about me than the actual doula and she would remind me that I had ran a half marathon.... I could birth a baby as well.   It made me chuckle but she was right..... She reminded me that I was strong and my body was made for this.  If I wanted it I could do it.  
• One of the biggest reasons I was grateful I had a doula was when I was in that moment of delivery that I was losing it.  She calmly called me back to reality and calmed me down and encouraged me.  She simply said "YOU CAN DO IT!"   Sometimes that is all you need is someone to tell you that, and believe in you and you are given so much strength from that.  

I loved my experience with my doulas and I will have a doula with the birth of all my future children as well. I think they are well worth the money. It made me feel so much more confident in myself having them there to remind me of that.  

Cloth Diaper Review #2 Grovia ONE

Grovia ONE  

This diaper has been a huge hit in the cloth diaper world because of its amazing absorption power.   Holy cow it does absorb A TON.  So many people have switched over to these diapers for overnight.  Overnight is always a tricky thing with cloth diapers.  You need something that will absorb a lot for 12-14 hours.  Usually this means a HUGE cloth diaper bum.  This is a girly print but I don't care I put girly prints on my boys because they are cute and who knows if I will ever have a girl to cloth diaper haha.  My boys don't care.  

These diapers are great because they are pretty trim and small for a great night time diaper.   They also have this soft microfleece lining on them that makes them soft and super easy to clean off.   This is what drew me towards this diaper in the first place.  I have been using the grovia brand for a little bit and I have really liked the quality of their products.  I loved how easy they were to clean the poop off.  (oh the things that make you happy as a parent)  I have a diaper sprayer so I just spray it off and it comes off so easily with this microfleece.  

These can also be used as velcro diapers.  They are called the ONE because they are for everyone.  Even those velcro lovers.  The velcro tabs snap onto the snaps and you can velcro it on.  I found the velcro is really sticky and awesome but sometimes it was so strong that it would come unsnapped so you would have to snap it back on.   Plus I'm not a big velcro fan, I will pick snaps anytime. 

It has a top bigger insert that has lines or groves that help absorb the wetness.  Then you snap in a lower insert that helps absorb even more for older babies.  I have only used these on my older son but I have heard that you only need the one top insert for smaller babies.

Also if you are using it on a smaller baby where the rise (front snaps) would be snapped down to make it smaller you can swivel the smaller inserts to make it fit.  

I really love everything about this diaper but I found out that inside the shell in the layers sewn in there, there was one layer of microfiber.  I HATE microfiber for cloth diapers.  For me and my ammonia peeing baby ( yes I have had our local cloth diaper experts help with wash routine,  he just has extra stinky pee)  It holds onto stink so fast and its just not a good thing for our cloth diaper stash.   That is the one downfall to these amazing diapers for us.  So many other cloth diaper moms swear by these.

I used to have a whole bunch of these but once I found out they have some microfiber in them I sold off a bunch and only kept a handful of them as only my older son could use them.  I use  them for night time or for daddy.  They are very daddy friendly.  He doesn't like or get the prefold and covers very well.  I like to keep daddy friendly diapers around for him.  

Those dirty little fingerprints

I don't know how well you can see these little fingerprints in this picture.  This is on my sliding glass door in the back and I saw this and thought ARGGG... now I really need to clean that door.  (Hey I can use my new norwex cloth and see just how well that window cloth works)  

Then I took a moment and looked a little bit closer and saw just how little those fingerprints were.  He has such small fingers and they are so cute.  I started thinking about how he will point at things that he wants and says uh uh uh.... and tilt his head sideways until he gets it.  Those little fingers are so cute.  I can see in my mind how he tries to grasp his cheerios with his two little fingers.  He focuses so hard on getting it.   Now those dirty little fingerprints make me smile.

Those poor little fingers get smashed so often in the lazy susan cabinet in our kitchen. I have tried to tell him not to play in there because they get hurt everytime.  There is no way to baby proof a lazy susan cabinet.  I have kissed those tiny fingers so many times.  I have held those little hands so many times while he is nursing, or just looked at them grabbing onto me not wanting me to leave him.   

Now those dirty little fingerprints make me want to cry.  

 He loves to let me clip those tiny frail fingernails.  He watches in amazement as I trim those nails. Those tiny fingers have been all over my face, in my nose and eyes, and even pushed in my mouth.  He thinks it's so funny to shove those cute dirty little fingers in my mouth while he rides in the pack.  

Sometimes those little fingerprints make me want to gag.

I stare at those small hands and I am amazed at how perfect they are.  My body made those beautiful little hands and toes.  10 perfect little fingers that held onto my finger so tightly when he was a newborn.  

Those little fingerprints make me want him to stay little forever.

I will be honest those dirty fingerprints stayed up on that glass door for probably a month because they had turned into a happy memory, and not just another thing to clean.  I just cleaned them off today and and I paused before wiping them away. 

 I love to see those little hand prints, they are a reminder of how precious my little children are to me.  They are able to get dirty with those hands and they are active and moving around.  I have found myself looking for little hand prints on the light switches, the door trim or that clean glass window.  Its evidence to me that God loves me and has sent me three beautiful children here for me to learn from, and care for.  

Children's books #2

I am so glad that most of my life libraries have been "free" (with out property taxes I know now as an adult)  Where we live now we don't have a city library and the closest one you have to pay a yearly fee. So it makes me appreciate it a little bit more now that isn't a privilege we have anymore.

 I have never been one to read a book more than once unless its an instructional book.  Normal story fiction books I don't like to read more than once because I know what is going to happen.  Because of that I have never liked to buy books except for childrens books.  Those get read multiple times a day around here.  When I was younger I always loved Curious George, I"m not quite sure why I just found him entertaining.  My sister started collecting Curious George books for me, so by the time I had children I already had a good collection of George books.  

Since they are about an animal my daughter naturally loves them.  She has plenty to read.  I love that he is so curious and always learning new things.  Granted he does get into a lot of trouble but It teaches me an important lesson as a mother.  Even though things might cause a mess or not go exactly how I planned, they are still learning things.  That is life,  messes happen.  Its ok just enjoy it and learn from it.  

As you can see my love for George spread farther than just his books.  I have a few other little trinkets that are Curious George as well.